The Bok Choy Incident!
October 1, 2019 & April 24, 2007
(12 years ago.) I just had a wonderful note from someone who has recognized that her work environment is a kind of tyranny, but with a spiritual veneer! Oh, my. If only we could all change to our new culture instantly! But the problem is that this is an EVOLUTION, which means that we bring our old stuff forward, that is old habits of fears, power trips, lack of concern for the other person, not standing up for ourselves, or even for the greater good. But look at it this way. Those rough spots in our culture of consciousness that are left over from the old culture give us the opportunity to repair that junk bit by bit! And by the way, we do inherit some good stuff as well!
So, in this case, I suggest that you first start with the recognition that both parties in this case-- boss, employee, co-worker, or volunteer are all in a relationship on the spiritual path, and we are all working for personal change to better express our Souls. And even if your other person is not expressly on a spiritual path, check with your intuition to see how much of these ideas will work for your circumstances.
In the "old days" of living jammed packed together in ashrams, Yogi Bhajan used to tell us that to help each other change, we should "poke, provoke, confront and inspire or elevate" each other! The problem with a lot of us implementing this strategy though was that we could use the first three admonitions to get a really good blaming or power trips going! Then we would remain self-righteous and forget to inspire or elevate! In our old hippie language, we called it "laying trips on each other."
But with this method, we really did run smack into our own stuck, unhealed places really quickly. And then we would have to face our difficulties by changing ourselves with this invaluable yogic technology, because there was no other place to turn when your stripped-bare heart kept you anchored to this outfit. Ah, the old days! But that was the start of evolving our culture that recognizes one's Soul as the Real Being, and taking personal responsibility for stripping away anything in us that got in the way!
Now, since a lot of us are getting this idea, we run first to the Kundalini Yoga and Meditation technology as our very first resort, not our last. When we change ourselves--our powerful but misconstrued vibrations, our non-productive habits, such as fear, playing the victim, victimizer, etc., that is when the situation changes. Remember, it takes (at least) two to play a game, or to continue a difficulty.
So, if you change to stand up for your Self, seek the Truth of a situation in your heart and through your intuition, honestly and humbly serve others, and look out for the welfare of all, then the game or the difficulty can no longer continue. This is a tremendous way to evolve our culture, and take leadership from your own Self. But the key is that you can't blame the other person when you see the Truth. Just take kind, gracious and real responsibility for your own processes and actions, while uniting with the Soul of the other person.
THE BOK CHOY INCIDENT
Last week, while doing a healing treatment on a friend, I found that when people did things that were annoying to him, or that stepped on his toes, that he would stand back from the other person, and interact with them less. This left him with a small circle of friends and kept him somewhat separated from the wealth of interaction with the community, because this kind of thing happens unconsciously all the time. Instead, I suggested that in such a situation, it would probably be better if he would first unite his energy with the other person (feel his heart uniting with their heart), and then in a kindly or joking way--which he is a master of, tell the other person what his problem with them was. That would most likely help both him and the other person.
So, guess what? He did what I asked and so reminded me about when we--he and I had chopped a huge load of bok choy together for lungar--our feely given meal that our particular group (called a misl) makes each month for the whole community. He said that he was put off because I was really bossy and seemed irritated! Yikes! What a humbling realization! But he was really kind about telling me this, and of course, I had asked for it. And he pointed out that (luckily) I had a positive bank account of good will with him, so he could overlook my annoying behavior!
Evidently, I had come up with my own "very efficient" (ego- based) chopping system and didn't cotton too well to his! So, he had pulled back from this wonderful "seva," or service that his heart really did enjoy. And then our misl group lacked for help! Oh, my! What a lousy snowball!
Well, of course I really did apologize up and down, and vowed to seek out and transform any bossiness in the future! And he promised to address me straight if something like that ever happened again. The system would be that he would either put his arm around my shoulder, and kindly tell me how he was put off by my being a goof, or he would kindly and jokingly get after me. That way, he would help me be more considerate and aware, and he would stay joined with me and the community activity. So, we shook on it! That was my blessing! And that is one way individuals can change the culture and themselves by staying connected while helping each other change.
So, please go deep within to change your own attitudes and habits to be the ones that your Soul wants to express. Then "join with" the energy of the other person, and kindly speaking from your loving, subjective experience, discuss what the difficulty might be. No blaming, please! We are usually guilty of whatever we blame others for! Just search for the truth and resolution together. Pray for each other and for yourself. It is amazing what powerful changes occur when the energy changes, even without speaking!
But if in the long run, if after committed work on your part in this regard, the other person still doesn't want to enter into this kind of mutual relationship, then you might kindly excuse yourself from it--but don't close the door! Then you can search out situations where you are more free to grow and nurture both yourself and others. And by all means, be grateful for that difference of opinions, because without it, you would not have had the opportunity to explore your own self, throw out what doesn't work, build what does, and listen so closely to your Soul! This is how our culture--our guidelines for social interactions change!