Feel It to Heal It!

Soul, the Therapist.

October 13, 2015

By Niloo Farmani

I remember so vividly it was a winter afternoon. I was driving home after a long day at work, sitting in traffic and tired. My last relationship had come to an end just a few weeks prior. I was speaking to my friend on the phone. She was telling me about her new relationship and how happy she was. How well he treats her and how much fun they have together.

As I was listening to her a feeling was coming over me. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling but I wanted to get off the phone. When I finally got home and got off the phone I wondered why I have this weird, yucky feeling of not liking myself, then I realized I am jealous. I thought "Oh my god I am being jealous. How horrible of me? How horrible am I that I can’t be happy for my friend?” I felt disgusted by myself but I couldn’t shake off the feeling. The more I didn’t want to be jealous the more it was still there making me dislike myself.

Normally if something like this happened in the past I wouldn’t know what to do, I’d either watch TV or eat something or surf the web and keep doing it until something distracted me. But at this point in my life I had been taking classes with Siri Gian and had been practicing listening to my Soul. Amongst my thoughts I remembered the words of Yogi Bhajan; when your emotions are turning in to commotion “Bolt your butt to the matt.”

I sat down and did heart breath and Soul said to let everything come up. Allow yourself to really feel everything you are feeling without hating yourself or judging yourself as bad. Feeling is not bad, it is what you end up doing with it, your behavior (usually when feeling is not processed) that can be hurtful to yourself or others.

It may sound odd but I just sat on my meditation cushion with a journal and literally told myself “ok let’s see what is in there. How much of this nasty feeling is in there, let it all come up”. I literally sat there and felt it and whatever came up I wrote it down, unfiltered. As the nasty thoughts of jealousy and shame poured out in a few pages and as I did heart breath, the voice of Soul, the voice of that internal loving wisdom came up telling me it is ok to have this feeling, that I am not a horrible person to feel this, that I am just human. It was such a forgiving, loving feeling that it reminded me of the forgiveness through Christ’s love that Christians speak of.

This forgiveness was key because when I felt I wasn’t horrible for having this feeling and that I was human then I was able to look at the reasons behind the feeling which was an unmet desire for a loving relationship and fear of not ever having it. So I journaled while doing heart breath more. And kept asking myself questions as led by that loving wisdom of Soul: why are you afraid? etc. The important difference between journaling while feeling the emotion in the body and doing heart breath (as opposed to merely in your thoughts) is that you are letting the energy of the emotion pass through you.

E-motion is just energy in motion. And it can feel incredibly uncomfortable as it passes through. This is an example of jealousy and I chose this because I know jealousy is the most hated, shamed and unacceptable feeling and that is, if you are honest enough with yourself to recognize it because often times we are in denial about our jealousy especially if the object of jealousy is someone who is not so pleasant then we completely lose sight of our own jealousy and focus on the other person’s behavior.

Any uncomfortable emotions of Anger, Resentment, Fear, Anxiety, Sadness, Grief, Shame, Guilt, Apprehension, and even that uncomfortable emotion of too much Excitement that is borderline Anxiety. And even those emotions that we feel but can’t name.

All of them are energy with a message behind it. If we numb them (by drinking, eating, gossiping, anything that takes away from actually feeling them) then the energy stays in and who knows what it does inside but for sure next time comes up stronger and potentially more destructive. Think of Anger.

We are told it is not good to feel angry. But yet it is one of the emotions that can come up since toddlerhood. You are told not to have it but yet you have it and you are not taught what the hell to do with it. Eventually after repeatedly feeling the anger then hearing how bad you are and feeling ashamed of having it, anger becomes shame-bound. So every time you feel it you hate yourself so much that you either have to suppress it by numbing it or you can’t hold it in and you let that fire out by hurting someone and then hating yourself even more.

But here is the Soul way. Feel it to heal it! Feel the discomfort rise in your body, feel the physiological response (heart palpitations, sweating, etc.) and breathe through it and ask it why it is here. Know that you are not anger, but that this is one feeling amongst many passing through you. Journal it and keep going back to Soul. The first step is that this consciousness of Soul is self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. Go yell in your room as you are journaling, as the feeling of anger comes up, even shake your hands and feet and let it pass through. It will pass through. It will. And behind the energy passing through and the forgiveness lies the wisdom.

A great tool and road map for this processing of emotions is a book written by GuruMeher Khalsa “Emotions: Senses of the Soul” www.SensesOfTheSoul.com .  He describes seven heavy emotions, why they emerge and kundalini meditation tools of using breath and mudras to access neutrality while bringing up and sitting with our emotions to hear the wisdom behind them. He has online courses and individual coaching and they are incredibly insightful, not to mention a community that helps each other through the process.

Another recent discovery that has taken my self Soul therapy work to another level was watching Ted talks by a courageous woman named Brene Brown and reading her book “daring greatly". She is a PhD researcher who has found in her research of studying many, many people that those who live whole-heartedly and courageously are those who are willing to be vulnerable, know they are not perfect but yet worthy of love and belonging and sit with their feelings instead of numbing it. AKA bring Soul as the driver and therapist to the picture instead of getting lost in their emotions and acting reflexively from them. Research is taking us to Soul!

We need these tools and anyone else who has the courage to talk about this because here is the reality; as long as we are in this human body we are going to have all these emotions. And unprocessed emotions mixed with unrecognized self-hate that comes from them fuel hate and resentment towards others and behaviors such as addiction or abuse, bullying, revenge and even war which is rampant in our world. But if we can non-judgmentally feel the emotions and bring Soul in as the therapist who asks honest questions we can heal them so they won’t lead us to act and behave reflexively on them.

So KNOW that you are beyond your thoughts and emotions. There is a most unconditional loving wisdom inside your being that is the best mother, father, teacher, friend and therapist--your own Soul and Soul says: Feel it to heal it!

The great mystic poet Rumi said:

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be cleaning you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

May the humanity learn to feel their emotions and process it knowing they are forgiven for it. This will lead to a lot less violence, more compassion and more creative solutions for peace in our World.